I have realized I am a romantic at heart. Not the happily ever after kind. No I want the adventure and mystery and yes the passion. I want to have lived in another time or in another universe. I want to be one of the characters in my books. I want to see all there is to see. I want to experience everything. I want to live life at the speed of light. I want to go and do and explore. I am trapped in a mundane world that holds no real appeal. I keep wondering what I am going to do with my life because nothing holds my interest for long. The only thing that keeps me grounded is the Hellion. I have a need for something but I don't know what it is. I know there is more for me, more to me than what I am doing now. I don't want to be rich or famous, I just want to have lived and never missed a moment. I wish I knew where to go with everything inside me. I wish I knew how to let it out. I want to be someone else. There are times I want to just pack a bag with my stuff and the hellions and just go, anywhere but here. I love my family but I don't feel I belong here, I never have. I just haven't been able to express it before.
My baby boy isn't such a baby anymore. He turned three last week and he got his big boy bed and this past weekend we gave him a birthday party and made it more official. He is three years old now. I can barely remember him as a newborn, thank God for pictures. He has gone through a lot in his short life and I love him more than anything. We went to Chuck E Cheese for his party and he had a blast. He played just about every game in there. He climbed all in the playstructure. I wasn't sure we were going to get him back from that. He hardly ate anything cause he was so excited. He ripped through his presents faster than I have seen him do anything in a while. He was so damn cute. We went home and he passed out two minutes into the drive. We played with his new tee-ball set when he got up. The boy is a born pitcher. All in all it was a great day.
I finally caved and bought the hellion a big boy bed. I have been putting it off for forever because he never climbed out of the crib and I didn't want to deal with keeping him in the twin bed. I was soooooooo right to dread it. I picked him up from his dads tonight and we got home late. So we played with Nini (my sister) for a bit then it was bed time. The child was not at all tired and I wanted to pass out already. We read two books and than the fight began. 3 cups of water, five moves from bed to floor back to bed, numerous tears (mostly mine) and the boy is finally asleep. Please pray for the rest of the week.