I have realized I am a romantic at heart. Not the happily ever after kind. No I want the adventure and mystery and yes the passion. I want to have lived in another time or in another universe. I want to be one of the characters in my books. I want to see all there is to see. I want to experience everything. I want to live life at the speed of light. I want to go and do and explore. I am trapped in a mundane world that holds no real appeal. I keep wondering what I am going to do with my life because nothing holds my interest for long. The only thing that keeps me grounded is the Hellion. I have a need for something but I don't know what it is. I know there is more for me, more to me than what I am doing now. I don't want to be rich or famous, I just want to have lived and never missed a moment. I wish I knew where to go with everything inside me. I wish I knew how to let it out. I want to be someone else. There are times I want to just pack a bag with my stuff and the hellions and just go, anywhere but here. I love my family but I don't feel I belong here, I never have. I just haven't been able to express it before.
My baby boy isn't such a baby anymore. He turned three last week and he got his big boy bed and this past weekend we gave him a birthday party and made it more official. He is three years old now. I can barely remember him as a newborn, thank God for pictures. He has gone through a lot in his short life and I love him more than anything. We went to Chuck E Cheese for his party and he had a blast. He played just about every game in there. He climbed all in the playstructure. I wasn't sure we were going to get him back from that. He hardly ate anything cause he was so excited. He ripped through his presents faster than I have seen him do anything in a while. He was so damn cute. We went home and he passed out two minutes into the drive. We played with his new tee-ball set when he got up. The boy is a born pitcher. All in all it was a great day.
I finally caved and bought the hellion a big boy bed. I have been putting it off for forever because he never climbed out of the crib and I didn't want to deal with keeping him in the twin bed. I was soooooooo right to dread it. I picked him up from his dads tonight and we got home late. So we played with Nini (my sister) for a bit then it was bed time. The child was not at all tired and I wanted to pass out already. We read two books and than the fight began. 3 cups of water, five moves from bed to floor back to bed, numerous tears (mostly mine) and the boy is finally asleep. Please pray for the rest of the week.
The hellion hates getting his haircut, but it was so past time for it. He was getting rather shaggy. So my sister and I took him to Master Cuts today. The entire time he is saying, "no haircut, no mohawk" cause sis and I have been wanting to get him one forever. Well despite his complaints we got him a "babyhawk" as a friend put it. He is so damn cute!!!! We are going to the Rays game tonight so he will fit right in.
This was the best vacation I have had in a very long time! I had a blast in Atlanta with my brother and a couple friends of ours. We drove up Thursday night after everyone got off work. We got there around 2am and checked in at the Hilton! I love that hotel. We felt slightly out of place, it was the nicest hotel I have ever stayed in. We were on the 17th floor. The elevators were the cool ones you can see outside in. Friday we went to the Aquarium and that place is amazing. I am going back to Atlanta just so I can take the Hellion to that Aquarium. It was amazing. It was well worth the price. We spent a couple of hours there, then went to the Underground. It is a mall under the city. It was pretty cool. We hung out in an Irish pub there then headed back towards the hotel. There was a bar almost right across the street from the hotel so we went and hung out there. It was fun but damn expensive. $14 for a pitcher of beer. That is crazy. Oh, let me say we walked EVERYWHERE! I am serious, it was great. We got a ton of exercise this past weekend. Everything was within walking distance of our hotel. Plus the weather was perfect while we were there. It wasn't blistering hot and it didn't rain. We spent Saturday hanging at the hotel mostly. It was nice to relax by the pool and sleep in. Saturday night was the fight. I still can't believe we were there. I can't believe I was actually at an event. Our seats weren't great but we could see everything perfectly. My camera jut wouldn't zoom in enough to get good pictures. The fights were really good except the main event. Chuck Lidell and Rashead Evans fought. Evans won which pissed me off. He knocked Chuck out and he was out for almost a minute. I thought I was gonna cry. I was so sad my boy didn't win. He is who I really went to see. It was still fantabulous though. Sunday we drove home, stopping off to pick up the hellion from his dad. All in all it was an incredible weekend and I won't be forgeting it for a while.
My son is two going on 16. He already has the attitude and bossiness and he has proven in the past couple days he is my son. He is a little smartass. My favorite was at my sister's expense. He was playing with her hair clip and she asked for it back. He said "ok" and proceeded to leave the room with it. He comes back in walkes up to her and says "You can have it if you find it, HaHaHa." I was dying. Yesterday he put me in timeout. He got in trouble for playing in a closet. I told him to get out of there and started counting. So I go in my room to change my sheets and he tells me, "Mommy, get out of there. 1,2,3 Mommy go to timeout." I was laughing so hard I had tears rolling down my face. I went to timeout till he realized I had to change the sheets so he could watch his movie. The kid is growing up to fast.
The Hellion came home again today! Woohoo! I couldn't be happier. Well I could be if he hadn't lived up to his name within five minutes of setting foot inside the house. His Nini wasn't here, she was out running errands. He lost it. Started screaming he wanted his Nini NOW! It was actually kind of funny. He got timeout and finally apologized for yelling at mommy. Nini came home and he has mostly been golden. Didn't want to eat dinner, no real surprise there. He fought me for a sec, but once I put him in a chair with food in front of him he ate most of it. Now he wants to go swimming, but he has to go to bed early tonight since he didn't get a nap. Hopefully he will pass out quickly. I am so happy he is home!!
I am not an authority on the bible. I have read it and done plenty of bible studies. I even took classes on it in college. I do have a religion degree and for a long time I considered myself a Christian. Lately I have re-thought that position. Anyway that is just background for what is my OPINION. It is not even a fully formed opinion. A post on MM really got me thinking and I wanted to post some thoughts I had and get others opinions on it.
It seems like the Old Testament God and the New Testament God are two different Gods. They have different attitudes, different paths and different ways they communicate. The old testament God is jealous and vengeful and full of anger. He is like a little kid who has to have his way or he throws a fit. He wants all the attention and praise and woe unto anyone who doesn't follow his directions EXACTLY. His temper tantrums are legendary and even innocents get caught in the crossfire. He is very hands on and has to be in everybodies business. The new testament God is much more laid back, more in control of his emotions. He is more loving and giving instead of angry and demanding. He lets people make mistakes and gently shows them the correct way. He has more confidence in himself and his creation.
It seems like either it is two seperate gods or God grew up from the Old to the New. Maybe having a child settled him.
I wonder if anyone takes responsibility for their actions anymore. I can't tell you the last time I heard, "it's my fault and I'm sorry". I don't know the last time I said it for that matter. Everyone always has an excuse or someone to blame their problems on. If is as small as, "I was late to work because of traffic." Or as big as, "It's my parents fault I killed that kid." We blame the teachers for our kids failing classes and the parents for everything else. We all need to readjust our thinking. We need to take responsibility for our actions, big and small. Start by apologizing without offering a gazillion excuses along with it. Work up to fixing your mistakes and not repeating them. Teach your children to do the same. Not everything is your fault but be accountable for what is.
I wrote this a month or so ago while at work. I had heard about ten different excuses that day for why a project didn't get done on time and I got annoyed. This is a little harsh, reading it now, but I still think it is a good post. We do need to take more responsibility for our actions and stop blaming the rest of society for our screw ups.
The Hellion is with his father for another week. He has been gone a week already and I miss him with every fiber of my being. I want to drive up there and demand they give him back to me. Alas he loves his dad and while his dad is an ass he is also a great father. So instead I spend time quoting Hellion phrases with my family. "Carry my up" is one of my favorites. I am going to cry the day he says pick me up instead. "Come show me" is another good one. He really means come look or come let me show you. It is cute and sweet and every time I say it or someone else does I can hear his little voice in my head. "Mommy come on" with his huge southern accent he picks up from his dad. I miss my baby and I want him back now. I will just have to settle for talking to him on the phone.
It has been almost a month since I last blogged. That is a long ass time. I feel as if I have been neglecting my duties. I will have to make up for it somehow. Unfortunately real life has been getting in the way of my online life. Sad, I know. All kinds of things have been going on. Nothing truly interesting or exciting though. Sorry to disappoint. I don't really have a point to this blog, just wanted to apologize for neglecting my poor lonely blog.
I finally found something my son is afraid of, Fireworks!! We decided we weren't going to one of the big shows in case he got scared. That turned out to be a good plan. So my sister and I went and bought about $40 worth of fireworks to shoot off at the house. He liked the sparklers, they were pretty. The first time we lit one of the other ones he took off running for the house. Then he came and hid behind me. So I picked him up and held him. He was better there and managed to watch three or four more. Then we did this one that made a horendus whistling noise. The hellion was done after that. He looked at me and said "mommy, I done. Go inside now!" I was proud of him. He stuck it out for a while. Now he is asking when we are going to do more.
I have finally figured out the day I took the wrong turn that landed me here, hating my life. It wasn't the day I got my first credit card or the day I met my ex-husband. No, this goes back much further than that. The day of doom happened when I, in all my innocence, decided boys didn't have cooties. Money isn't the root of all evil, men are.
My sister asked the other day if she could paint my sons room while she is staying with us. Let me rephrase that, she basically told me she was painting his room. She also said her and my brother's girlfriend had a lot of ideas. Okay, so do I get a say in what you do with MY son's room?! Let's just say I was not very receptive at first. Now I am starting to warm up to the idea. I get to do the fun stuff like shopping and picking out colors and matching decor. She gets to do all the labor like painting and moving furniture. Yeah, I can handle that. So I started looking for stuff today. We are going to do a sports theme for his room. The kid is obsessed with sports already and he isn't even three yet. I have found a ton of cute stuff, most of which I can't afford. I can dream though. The one thing I haven't found is a cute comforter and sheets. I just don't like any of the ones I have seen so far. My dad is buying him (well giving me the money to buy him) a twin size bed. So now I am on a quest to find him some cute sheets that go with our theme. Shouldn't be too hard, right?!
Isn't my new banner awesome! I will have to say I did not make it. I am not that creative. My good friend Lisa made it for me. She is rockin'. LOL! Check out her blog at From Diapers to Dating and her invitations and announcements at Otto Creations.
I am so excited! I am getting my son tomorrow and I am going to see two new babies! Two good friends of mine just had babies two weeks ago. I can't wait to see them. I can't wait to see all the kids actually. Being around the newborns is going to be really hard. I want another baby so badly. It doesn't help that my sister is going and she is dying for me to have another baby too. It will be great to have the hellion back and he will love hanging out with all the other kids. He loves babies too. Should be a great weekend!
Let me just say I am exhausted! I had the best weekend!! I don't think I have ever packed so much into one 3 day weekend before. So Saturday I took Damian to the Kids Fest thing. It was rather boring and D was whiny. They did have a blow up obstacle course thing that Damian made it half way through before he turned around and came back out. After that we went home and took naps. My parents went to the Rays game and I almost took D to that but he was not in the best mood so I took him to the mall instead. He played in the kids area for over an hour, rode the carousel and we ate dinner. We still didn't get home till after 9pm. Thankfully he fell asleep in the car.
Sunday I got him up and ready for church then sent him off with my mom. Then I got ready for Rockfest. OMG! It was a freaking blast!!! My brother and I got there around 11am. The first two bands were really good, then we kinda stopped listening for a while. Later that afternoon Surge was on and we started listening again. A few of our friends showed up and we hung out with them. Michelle and I went up to the stage to watch Three Doors Down. We were maybe five rows back by the time we couldn't squeeze through anymore. They were amazing. Then Kid Rock came on and blew everyone away. It was a great day and I had a great time. I got burned bad though. I also forgot to take my camera and I was pissed.
Today D and I went to Busch Gardens for his first time. It was so much fun. We wondered around and looked at all the animals. We played in Jungala and the Land of the Dragons. I realized my baby wasn't a baby anymore. He went on a ton of rides all by himself. He had so much fun. I couldn't believe he went on all the kiddie rides. I got some great pics of him today. We had a blast and didn't get home till late. Poor boy is going to be a mess tomorrow at school, but it was worth it. I think tomorrow is going to suck for both of us, but the weekend was well worth it!
I hate this so much. Now it is worse. Our custody agreement has changed and we each get him for two weeks at a time instead of one. It is hopefully going to be a lot easier on the boy. He will get time to settle into each house and we will get three full days with him instead of one. Plus it will save me 100 bucks in gas. The part that sucks is my ex having him. I hate it so much. He should be here, with me. Not off with his dad doing who knows what. I don't want to take him away from his dad but at times it is really tempting. Ugh, this just sucks!!!
We went to Lowry Park Zoo today! The hellion, Nini, Gigi, Papa and I spent a few hours walking around looking at all the animals. Hellion of course didn't want to walk and didn't want to be in his stroller. So Gigi and Nini spent a lot of time holding him, I refused to. I am such a mean mommy. We saw all the Florida animals. He petted the stingrays and absolutely loved the manatees and turtles and other reptiles/amphibians. He got to feed a giraffe, which was a fun experience for him. He got to see a kangaroo with a baby in her pouch. All you could see were the tail and one of its feet sticking out. Hellion was fascinated and didn't want to leave. He also had his first ice cream cone today. Gigi made the mistake of offering him a bite of hers. Needless to say she never got it back. All in all it was a pretty good day. We got to see lots of animals and got some great pictures.